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April 2, 2006
An Embarassing Problem
I have an embarassing disease. Or maybe you might think of it as an addiction.
Every Sunday, I pour over the NY Times. Partly, I like a good mystery, and I'm always trying to find the next Jayson Blair. Partly I want to be well informed. And partly I want to do anything other than attend to that fucking gigantic, and ever growing, pile of academic stuff on my desk that I should be tackling.
Anyway, there are certain spots I always like to hit. I check out the magazine, usually taking in Dubner and Levitt's column. I then typically move on to the week in review to...review the week. I usually cruise through food and travel, to plan my next meal and trip. Then it's on to books, if only to see who Michiko Kakutani harpooned this week. In a drug- and alchohol-induced alternate state of reality, I once accidentally electrocuted her with a cattle prod while trying to kidnap her to subject her to psychological programming in order to win her editorial favor and boost the sales of a novel I never finished. Then I tried to hide the evidence by stuffing her body in the trunk of a Ferrari...but I digress. I then typically check out the science section, and move on to metro (to see what is happening in a place I love). I read some editorials. Finally, I breeze through the national and international leads, and see if I missed anything in the worlds of wine or classical music.
And then it happens. I don't want it to, but it just does. I find myself unable resist the infinitely powerful gravitational field drawing me in to Weddings & Celebrations.
I don't want it to happen. But it does.
It used to be that I only occasionally suffered one of these little "episodes". But in the last few months, if I don't get my weekly fix...well, then I really start to get the Fear.
So, are there any others out there like me?
My name is Peter. I am an obnoxiously hetero male, and an addict.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Posted by dag at April 2, 2006 3:16 PM