Legal Disclaimer

© 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 (and all years prior and thereafter) Peter M. Lance Inc. (a division of Peter M. Lance Associates, which is in turn a subsidary of Sony, which is in turn owned by the Suburban Trunk Monkey Group). Let me just start out by mentioning a bit of wisdom from Picasso: good artists copy but great artists steal. The owners and managers of this site are not responsible for any harm or loss, real or imagined, that visitors might experience or purport to experience. Moreover, the owners and managers of this site reserve the right to demand, via civil action, massive punitive damages for any psychic cost or irritation experienced by said owners or managers as a result of any communication relating to any harm or loss, real or imagined, that visitors might report experiencing as a result of visiting this page or any other web page. The views expressed within this page, or any page with which this page is related via hypertext link, visual similarity, paraphrase, outright plagiarism, historical relationship, cultural affinity or any other means, are not necessarily those of its host, owners, managers or anyone else associated in any way with this page or any other. None of the characters represented within this page are fictional. Any resemblence to a fictional character is purely coincidental. By starting to read this sentence, visiting this page, or using any computer, any real or fictional characters represented in this page or any other page possibly related by the means described above waive their right(s) to any and all civil or criminal remedy for any and all complaints related to any and all material represented within this page or any other element of the Western canon. By starting to read this sentence, the owners of any copyright violated, wholly or partially, by any content within this site, forfeit their right to civil or criminal action against the owners or managers of this site with regard to said copyright violation. Moreover, they also, by act of reading this sentence or any other, transfer said copyright, and any other in their possesion, to the owners and/or managers of this site. You may not copy, reproduce, distribute, publish, display, perform, modify, create derivative works, transmit, think about or in any way exploit any such content, nor may you distribute any part of this content over any network, including a local area or psychic network, sell or offer it for sale, or use such content to construct any kind of database. These electronic pages may NOT be reproduced in any format for profit or presentation by any organization or persons. They cannot be copied, photocopied, reproduced, translated, or reduced to any electronic medium or machine readable form without prior consent. The soul exception applies to cases, circumstances or instances where the reproduction is upon official Dukes of Hazzard stationary. The above conditions are backed by the force of English Common Law, certain manifestations of the Napoleonic code, and obscure passages of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. According to the Static Website Association of America (SWAA), organized a few moments ago by the owners and managers of this site, this site merits a coveted "AG-17" rating. This rating means, according to the provisions, standards, clauses and bylaws of the SWAA, that anyone over 17 who has successfully navigated the blind curve of adolescence may find this site objectionably sophmoric, and is thus advised to apply caution when visiting the site. Obviously, this sort of rating scale, and all of the norms and standards implied by it, was formed through research involving non-mathematician focus groups, and hence its standards and norms can be applied to mathematicians only with great caution. Visiting this site does convey certain benefits. First, by dint of a complementary pair of bolt cutters, the visitor is provided with a free off-season pass to any Paramount amusement park (such as Virginia's Paramount King's Dominion Park). Second, the visitor is provided with 35 free, complementary hit points, or 30 free experience points, which can be applied to any future Dungeons & Dragons game, including regional tournaments. Finally, the visitor receives a free one month trial membership in the Brotherhood of the Wolf. This is an equal opportunity web site, explicitly designed to offend as widely as possible, on the basis of race, gender, ethnic identity, religious belief, sexual prefence, hair color, body piercing, driving record, etc. The only exceptions are the Dark Side of the Force and the cult of Mithras, to which this site's owners and managers show slavish devotion. It should be legally noted that the entire contents of this block of fine print can be recovered by playing "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" backward. This fact does not imply that the owners or managers of this site maintain any intellectual property rights (ie copyrights) over this song or any other by Paul Simon, Simon & Garfunkel, or any other artist(s) with whom either Art Garfunkel or Paul Simon have ever creatively cooperated. The same applies to Warner Brothers, Columbia Entertainment, or any artist(s) who have worked with any or either of the said corporate entities, or any artist or peer-to-peer or other file-sharing network ever financially or legally mugged or screwed by them. It must be emphasized that this coincidence does not imply any understanding or comprehension, by the owners or managers of this site, of the meaning of "Scarborough Fair." Moreover, Paul Simon (who is very short), Art Garfunkel, Columbia Entertainment, and/or Warner Brothers do not now, have not ever, and never shall, maintain any intellectual propert rights over this site, the contents herein or therein, or moreover, to forth and thereto any other said property, held legally or illegally, by the owners or managers of this site. The contents of this site are illegal under the state laws of Idaho, North Dakota, Missouri, Florida (damn that bloodsucker Jeb Bush!) and Maine. It is illegal in Hawaii to discuss this site with friends in Hawaii, or in Vermont to remember it afterwards. Moreover, it has been banned in Boston. By visiting this site, you have already consented to waive certain basic constitutional rights. However, the owners and managers of this site reserve the right to specify precisely which rights have been forfeited at some future time that is convenient to them, and them alone. By prior agreement between the Vatican, the Tripartite commission, and the hidden powers that be, you have also, by visiting this site, transferred exclusive property rights to any intellectual property that you may possess to the Microsoft corporation. This includes any idea, piece of knowledge, innovation, technical understanding, urge, fear, jealousy, memory, fantasy, image, notion etc. that has ever, or ever shall, pass through your mind. It also extends to any such item within the domain of the collective consciousness of your people, where "people" can be defined by blood, marriage, religious belief, sexual preference, real or imagined ethnic heritage or casual association. It also extends to the collective memory of any people with whom your people, defined above, may have traded, communicated, fought, organized a blockade, committed revolution or regicide or competed on "The Price is Right" or any other well-respected game show. It also extends to any people represented on CBS News, MTVs "Real World" or the highly regarded Monty Python movies. Since Microsoft Corporation still maintains the reconcilability of Kundera's "irreconcilable duality of body and soul", this extends as well to your physical assets, either body parts or separate property and any body parts or separate property owned in whole or in part by any "people" defined previously. Henceforth, any and all such property is protected by any and all copyrights relating to Microsoft Corporation's possession of Internet Explorer and the Windows software family. By visiting this page, you have also transferred to Peter M. Lance, LLP (a subsidary of Peter M. Lance Inc) ownership of any frequent flier miles, hidden stores of Cipro, aged Cuban cigars, great Pinot Noir, Angus ribeye steaks, fascinating research insights or positive personality traits previously within your possesion. By leaving this page, by any means, you agree to the forfeit of any remaining constitutional rights or initiative that you might possess. Finally, I would like to invoke a statement made by many of my grade school teachers ("That boy just ain't right") to absolve myself of any further legal, moral or ecclesiastical responsibility.








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